Beavis and ButtHead do England
by Astrid C. Giese-Zimmer
Summary: Huhuhuhuhh.... Cheerio, mate. Huuhuhuh..


Beavis and Butt-Head do England  
by  
Astrid C. Giese-Zimmer  
  
********  
  


.... and my pussy was soaking wet! said Mrs. Slocombe.  
Then the laughter started.  
  
  
Yes, Beavis and Butt-Head were watching British television and enjoying it. They thought it was a wussy thing at first, but with all the dirty innuendos and the jiggling knockers, what wasn't to love?  
Huhuhuh... She said..  
Yeah! Heheheh!  
They changed the channel to Monty Python's Flying Circus, and a Terry Gilliam animation with naked chicks was going.  
HUHUHUHUHUH! I saw her boobs.   
Yeah! Me too!  
Beavis changed the channel to the Benny Hill show. Upon seeing the millions of jigging thingies, their hormones went on overdrive.  
  
  
Huhuh! The fat guy gets all the chicks.  
You mean like that Germy Ron guy? Heheh.  
Yeah! Huhuh  
Suddenly, a lightbulb flickered and exploded over Butt-Head's head. That's it!  
What? Heheh!  
Butt-Head turned to Beavis England. If we go to England, we'll get chicks!  
Cool! Heheheeheh!  
Huhuh. British girls are easy.  


**********  


  
Later, Beavis and Butt-Head were walking down the road.  
So, heheh, how do we get to England?  
Uhhh.... Let's ask Diahrreah.  
No, wait, Butt-Head. She moved, remeber?  
Ohh. Huhuhuuh. So now what?  
They looked up and saw that they were outside the airport.  
  
They went inside and shoved through the line.  
Uhhh... we need, like, tickets for England. said Butt-Head to the attractive ticket reservation ladie.  
she said That will be $1200  
A look of frustration crossed the two boy's faces.  
Uhh... can we at least see your boobs? asked Butt-Head.  
They were promptly thrown out.  


*********  
  


Tom Anderson loaded his bags onto the conveyor belt. I tell you what, it'll be great to see my old war buddy from England. Yep. he said, not noticing the noise coming from his bags.  
  
HEHEHEHEHEH. Yeah  


**********  
  


Later, in the luggage compartment on the flight to England...  
  
Huhuh. Beavis...  
  
You better not be touching my butt, fartknocker!  
Hehehe. Sorry, I thought it was my butt. Heheeheh  
  


*********  
  


At the baggage terminal at Heathrow airport, many, many bags got lost or misplaced. But not Beavis and Butt-Head. They slid down.  
Uuhhh! Huhuhuh!  
Aaaahh! Heheheh!  
Everyone was puzzled about what these to young boys were doing among the suitcases.  
Huhuhh. This merry-go-round sucks.  
Yeah. Heheh. It's like, too slow and stuff. No wonder no one else is riding it.  
They got off and proceeded to leave the airport, but they were stopped by some guards.  
ello ello ello! Wot's all this then? asked one of the guards.  
Butt-Head turned to Beavis Huhuh. He's British  
Whar's yer bloody passports? asked the other guard with a tone of menace in his voice.  
Beavis and Butt-Head pulled out their Highland High student IDs, which were stained with cheese sauce and other stuff I better not mention.  
The guards frowned and started to drag the two boys away.  
Butt-Head noticed something. Hey, these guys don't have guns!  
Hehheh! Wusses! replied Beavis. THey looked at eachother and kicked the guards in the nads and ran off.  


***********  
  


Later, Beavis and Butt-Head were still on the run. They were hiding behind a building.  
Heheheheh, this is cool!  
No, dumbass, it sucks because if they catch us they're gonna, like, put us in jail.  
  
SO that means that we'll have to exercize and eat crappy food every day.  
But we get to watch TV. Heheheh  
Yeah, but they only, like, have the sucky channels.  
Oh. So it's not cool. Hehehmhe  
Just then they heard a couple of female voices talking. So anyway, Pats...  
Yes, go on, Edina.  
Beavis and Butthead looked around the corner and saw a woman with wavy red-brown hair and clothes that looked like 80's throw-aways and a taller woman with blond hair wearing a blue ladies business suit and smoking a cigarette.  
Their was an audiable *BOING* as the boy's eyes widened. Whoa... babes ahoy! said Butt-Head. They forgot all about the police and darted in front of the women.  
Hey, baby. Huhuh.  
The two women stopped. Oh look, Eddy said the taller one Fresh meat.  
said the boys.  
The shorter woman piped up. Hello, boys she licked her lips I'm Edina Monsoon, and this is my friend, Patsy Stone.  
Patsy carressed Beavis' face What are your names?  
There was a long pause, then Beavis spoke. Uuuhhh.... I'm Beavis...  
Uuh. And I'm, Butt-Head.  
Yeah, me too. Heheheh.  
The two women gave each other a sly look. Shall we, Pats?  
You know it, Eddy.  
Beavis and Butt-Head were pulled by their collars....  
  


*********  


One wild party later....  
  
Edina and Patsy were fast asleep with their boy-toys. But Beavis and Butt-Head were wide awake, staring into space, wondering if what just happened really happened.   
Did we...? Did we just score, Butt-Head?  
Uhh... Did you touch her boobs?  
  
Me too. And did you... you know... Huhuhuh.  
I think so.  
Beavis, we are now men amoung men. We just scored.  
And then the world blew up.........  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kidding!  
  


*********  


The next morning, Saffron Monsoon was making breakfast for herself, as usual. Her stupid mother had gone out drinking and partying and doing drugs with her friend, Patsy. Saffy just wanted to get away from the both of them. Then she heard a *HONK HONK SCRREEEECH Same to you, asshole! VRRROOOM UhuHuhu CRASHY BAM KABOOM*. Mom's home. she sighed.  
  
Edina and Patsy stumbled in and threw up, followed by Beavis and Butt-Head who were air guitaring Judas Priest's Breaking the Law.  
BREAKING THE LAW! BREAKING THE LAW! DUN DAH DUN!  
Edina stumbled to her daughter and said Ahhh... Saffy darling, sorry I didn't come home last night.... Saffy just rolled her eyes. But *hic* Pats and I met these two wonderful young men...  
Saffy looked and the two repulsive young men before her.  
Uhh.... hi. Uhuhuh  
Yeah! Hehe! Beavis picked his nose.  
Saffy looked at her mother and her mother's best friend and glared Do you have any idea how old these boys might be?  
Patsy groaned an piped up Darling, it's not how old they are, it's how long they are.  
Beavis and Butt-Head blushed.  
  
  
Saffy was disgusted They're probably only what? 14? 15?  
Hey, Butt-Head, what's this chick talking about numbers for? asked Beavis.  
I don't know, but she sure reminds me of someone... replied Butt-Head.  
They gave each other a look and started their infamous chant:  
Diahrrhea! Cha cha cha! Diahrrhea! CHa cha cha!  
Indeed, Saffy did somewhat look like Daria. From her glasses, to her hair, to her total contempt for the idiots surrounding her. Her frown grew even bigger as Edina and Patsy laughed and laughed.  
These two are comic geniuses! remarked Edina.  
We should probably keep them around for one more night. said Patsy.  
  
That night....  
  
Beavis and Butt-Head were asleep on the couch (they fell asleep watching TV). Saffy snuck downstairs, quiet as a ninja. She grabbed Beavis and Butt-Head by their collars, and they jerked awake. Listen you scum-sucking morons! It's bad enough I have to put up with my mom and Patsy, but you two are the last straw!  
  
OUT! NOW! she screamed and threw them out the window.  
Edina and Patsy heard the noise (despite being drugged out of their minds), and ran downstairs.  
Saffy, sweetie, what happened to our boytoys?  
I don't know, mom, they ran away. lied Saffy, smiling to herself.  
Patsy looked at the broken window My, it's drafty in here.  
  


********  
  


Beavis and Butt-Head were alone on the cold street.  
Does it hurt? asked Beavis.  
Only when I laugh. Huuuhhuhuhu... ow  
It started to rain.  
This sucks! said Beavis.  
Butt-Head looked over at the blue box next to him. At least there's a Port-A-Potty. HUhuh.  
Yeah. I gotta go take a whiz.  
They went inside the blue box. They could still be heard inside.  
Hey... Huhuh, check out this chick in leather!  
Yeah! She has small boobs!  
The sound of a woman shreiking and pulling out a knife could then be heard, followed by a deep British voice saying Hallo! Where might have you popped up from?  
Then, with a weezing, groaning sound, the box slowly faded away.  
  


*******  


Wheels on fire  
(Beavis: Yeah! FIRE! FIRE!  
Butt-Head: Calm down, Beavis)  
Rolling down the road  
Please notify my next of kin  
This wheel shall explode  
(Beavis: Yeah! Heheheheheheh!  
Butt-HEad: Cool! Huhuhuhuhuhuh!)  
  


The End (Huhuhuhuh)  
  


Notes: What was I thinking when I wrote this? Well, for one, Beavis and Butt-Head are both repulsive characters that entertain us; and Edina and Patsy are repulsive characters that entertain us. Let's face it, Edina and Patsy are the only women on Beavis and Butt-Head's level and probably the only ones willing enough to score with them. If I offended anyone with this fic....... GOOD!  
  
Beavis and Butt-Head characters are © Mike Judge and MTV networks.  
Absolutly Fabulous characters are © French & Saunders and the BBC (who also owns you-know-who ;) )


End file.
